


Who Is The Winter Soldier?

by Arietis



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 01:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arietis/pseuds/Arietis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America is asked to release any information of the identity of the winter soldier. What is Steve supposed to say?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Is The Winter Soldier?

**Author's Note:**

> This work is still under editing.   
> I wanted to get it up because I'm stoked about it!

Flashes snapped greedily in Steve Rogers’ –Captain America’s—line of sight, as he pushed delicately against the storm of people yelling questions, and shoving microphones near his face. It was weeks after being released from the hospital after exterminating Hydra, and in-turn, Shield, and facing the Winter Soldier. Some unknown source took it upon themselves to relay a message to the press that Captain America was ready to take questions, and answer them. He was practically ambushed on one of his morning runs. The barrage of questions was white noise in the background while he resisted swatting away hands, audio recorders, or cameras. One reporter was finally able to get to him. The words echoed repeatedly in his head, and at that moment he wished only to isolate himself,

“Who is the Winter Soldier?”

What was he going to tell them? That the Winter Soldier was the late James Buchannan Barnes? A man born and raised in Brooklyn, New York whom Steve had been friends with since before he could remember? The boy that, when they were younger would pull out their handguns and go out on the battlefield with the kids on the block. To them it sounded like the most realistic war sounds when in reality they were all just children shrieking and giggling their battle cries. Did the press want to know that he, Steve Rogers had to haul up his injured comrade Bucky up the mightiest of hills in foreign lands—a dirt mound in an abandoned parking lot? Once the two strived, tooth and nail up that hill they would cry out and stab their flag pole in the ground and declare that they claimed victory. All the kids would throw punches in the air as they all felt the triumphant glory that they saved their nation.

Surely he could tell them of their time in school. Steve’s been bullied since the beginning, and Bucky didn’t take too kindly to that. The two spent hours locked away in Bucky’s basement after school hours teaching Steve how to fight. Each session would pump Steve up, ready to defend himself from the next bully. However, usually the next day, Steve would still get pummeled and would not lift a single fist. Yet Bucky continued the lessons. Not because he hoped that Steve would fight back, but because each lesson, a glimmer of hope filled Steve’s eyes. That there was still a reason to go back to school. He didn’t want to let Bucky down. As the years progressed, the bullying increased. When the two reached middle school, Bucky blew a fuse and literally shook Steve in frustration,

“Why can’t you just fight back?!” He screamed at Steve.

The look of horror in Steve’s face was forever burned into James Barnes’ mind. Bucky dropped Steve and averted his gaze. Almost immediately when his hands let off, Steve bolted, running home as fast as he could. Steve remembered that he sobbed inconsolably while his mom held him. Steve refused to talk to Bucky for weeks. One day, Steve found himself in an ally way after school. The blows to his stomach and head seemed to go on forever. Steve didn’t make a single cry, or let loose a single tear. He just lied curled up on the ground waiting for it to all pass by. He hesitantly cracked one eyes open as the blows suddenly stopped. Both eyes shot wide open as he saw Bucky Barnes crouching over him taking the blows instead.

“Bucky!”

“Hey, I’m real sorry man”

“Are you kidding me, Buck?”

And all Bucky could do was grin before turning away from Steve and beating the ever living daylights out of whoever was messing with Bucky Barnes’ best friend.  The two were practically inseparable after that.

How was Steve supposed to tell them that those few weeks ignoring Bucky were absolutely dreadful? He would just lock himself in his bedroom when he got home from school with a dull, throbbing ache in his chest. Whenever he shuffled through the halls, there Bucky was with crowds people trying to talk to him at once, and girls giggling and flirting with him. Steve’s throat would tighten, and his chest grew heavier, and heart wary with that fact alone. Steve constantly struggled with himself not to look, but his eyes always tore away from tracing the cracks in the tile up to Bucky. And each time he did so, Bucky was _always_ looking back. He wouldn’t be looking at the people he was talking to, or the ones hanging all over him—only at Steve. Steve’s ears would burn bright red and he would hussle away. If he ever looked back, Bucky would be staring off, mindlessly and halfheartedly speaking with whomever was talking. How important was it to know that Steve screamed into his pillow after his mom claimed that he was only jealous that his best friend was hanging out with new friends?

Could it have simply been jealousy that Bucky had plenty of other friends, and Steve could easily have been replaced? Steve flipped over onto his back and tried suffocating himself with the pillow, but instead he screamed more. Never were there crowds with them when Bucky and Steve were hanging out with each other. Was he the reason why Bucky didn’t have any other friends? But the minute Steve is gone there are five more to take his place.

How selfish of him. How selfish to want to spend every last minute with Bucky, because when the two are together they are partners in crime. Together there was endless laughter, and fun, and Steve didn’t ever think that Bucky wanted the same with other friends. Bucky never said a word about it. The bond they shared compared to no other friendships that Steve had seen.

Yes, Steve was jealous, but it was not as simple as Bucky having other friends. It was much more than that. Unexplainable, and he was sure it wasn’t something normal.

____________

It was with Bucky when Steve saw his first film when they were kids. Since then, going to the movies was one of their favorite things to do together. They were sixteen years old when a critically acclaimed “boring” movie was released. It was Bucky and Steve’s ritual to go see all movies that came out, and more importantly, go to the boring ones and _make_ them entertaining. They went to the latest showing possible and sat as far back in the theatre as possible. Less than a dozen other people came and scattered throughout the theatre.  Bucky and Steve started it off with hushed side commentary. There whispers and snickers occasionally got some head turning in hopes to quiet them down. But in all honestly, it was the film that made the people get up and leave. Half way through the film, it was only the two of them and they became loud and hysterical with their commentaries. Due to the film’s boring nature, they began overcompensating and pretended they were at the edge of their seat in suspense whenever there was something as simple as someone ringing a doorbell. When the door was answered they’d both dramatically fly back into the back of their chairs in relief, then immediately burst out into laughter. They would voice over the characters in place of the actual dull commentary. It was hard for them to do due to the fact that they either couldn’t finish their sentences or would interrupt the other by busting out in uncontrollable laughter. Scenes would roll by before they were able to calm themselves back down. Even then, if one of them said a single word to continue their performance they’d both start rolling in their seats laughing, slapping each other on the shoulders in hopes that the other would stop making the other laugh.

It was the final scene of the film and they were again in position, sitting at the very edges of their seat, leaning so far forward that their heads may as well have been resting in their laps. The film was showing the final scene. The camera was panning upward to the sky. And it was when it cut to black and the film was over that the two jumped up, and cheered by shooting their fists up in the air and hollering. The turned to each other, gave each other a high five and began hugging in their over-exaggerated act. The hug lingered as they leaned against each other, weak because they were laughing for so hard and for so long. They supported each other up as they regained their composure. It seemed like Bucky would have stayed in that position if it wasn’t until Steve pulled away. His head turned to look at his friend, who was facing away, grinning his familiar room lightening smile. His mind must have still been replaying the last hour of the film. Steve didn’t realize how soothing it was to be able to hold and support a person—No, Bucky—until they started pulling away each other. It was at this moment Steve noticed how perfect his best friend’s face was, and silently wished it was close to his again. Bucky’s eyes finally flickered back over to Steve who was shocked to be greeted with a hand pressing gently against his cheek. Steve pulled gently, Bucky complying quietly, and pressed his lips against Bucky’s. It was soft, sweet, and short. When Steve pulled away once more, holding his breath and biting his tongue. Before he could get too far, Bucky reached up, scrunched the collar of Steve’s shirt in his hand and pulled him into another kiss. Bucky smoothly let go of Steve’s shirt, and stepped back with a triumphant grin stretched across his face. Steve must have been gaping for a while before Bucky tilted his head towards the exit, his smile not once faltering, “Let’s go. That was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.” Bucky turned to lead them out of the theatre.

Steve broke into a wide smile, “The worst in existence.”

And as the two continued bashing the movie and snickering as the recounted their countless jokes they made, Steve was following very closely behind Bucky and their hands were joined by two pinkies crossing over each other.

Did the press have the right to know that Captain America, and the Winter Solider were in love with each other since they were sixteen? Though Bucky would countlessly remind Steve that he loved him for far longer but never gave specifics. Steve was sure that Bucky just wanted an excuse to tease him by saying how oblivious he was.

No one suspected a thing. Not an eyebrow raised, and no heads turned. They were completely normal around each other to the public, which they were fine with. Everyone knew they were practically inseparable to begin with. The only thing different was the hidden, late night dates.

____________

Both Steve and Bucky lost a parent when they were children and then Bucky lost his father at the age of 12. They were 18 years old when they both sat Steve’s mom’s bed side while she was horridly sick with pneumonia. In the last week, her condition became exponentially worse, and Bucky stayed every single one of those days to help in every way he could. At night, when they were going to bed, they would lie quietly in Steve’s bed with Bucky arms holding Steve in close. Steve didn’t move, or make a sound. Just lie quietly while Bucky comforted him. Eventually, they’d both fall asleep.

This continued for eight days, until one morning Bucky woke up and greeted with an empty bed. He was neatly covered in blankets, and a cup of coffee waited for him on the night stand. He curled up in a ball and shoved the blankets in his face. He wanted to enjoy the comforting warmth and scent of Steve as much as he could before raising himself from the bed. He picked up his coffee, sipping at it while shuffling out of the bedroom. He leaned forward in search of Steve. When there was no sign of him he made his way to his mother’s bedroom. Steve was standing by his mother’s bed side with his hands raised in front of him. Bucky knew Steve had some semblance of religious beliefs, be never saw the kid pray. He quietly entered the room, and rested his cup atop the dresser by the door.

“Steve.” Bucky soothingly called out while he walked to his side, “Steve!”

Steve had both his hands clasped over his mouth and he was crying. Bucky’s eyes flickered over to the woman on the bed for only a fraction of a second before his full and devoted attention fell onto Steve once more. He only placed a hand gently on Steve’s should before Steve turned in towards Bucky. Bucky pulled him closer and Steve didn’t change positions whatsoever when he pressed his head into Bucky’s chest. He finally let his hands go from his mouth, wrapped them around Bucky’s waist, and crumbled two handfuls of Bucky’s shirt in the weakest fists. It was delayed, but Steve let out the most heartbreaking, struggled breath in, as if he’d been holding his breath the whole time. It was then that Steve began shaking. Bucky guided Steve out from the room and into his own bedroom. There, Bucky held Steve on his bed for hours. Between the sobs, Steve would often say “thank you” or “I’m sorry” and each time he did Bucky would smile lovingly and wipe away his tears, “We’ll get through this” he would softly say.

“We always do.” Steve would finally reply.

It was months later when Steve landed himself an apartment. Actually, it was Bucky who found it. When he saw Steve next he excitedly exclaimed “Pack up your bags!” and shoved the flier for the apartment in Steve’s face. With Steve’s hesitation, Bucky grabbed his hand and practically dragged him to apartment complex. Once there, Steve silently made his way to the center of the apartment and swiveled on the pad of his foot as he looked all around the room. He strolled into an adjacent room which would have been the bedroom. Sunshine filtered gently through the blinds and dimly lit the room. There was a simple box spring bed decorating a corner of the room, and the ceiling fan was turned on. The blades were spinning on its lowest setting and emitted a groan with each rotation. Steve rested a shoulder against the wall next to the window. Strips of light painted themselves across Steve’s face and torso.

“So, you don’t like it? I can fix the fan.” Bucky frowned. His back was leaning against the door sill, and his eyes were patiently following Steve as he made his way through the apartment.

“No. No, I really love it. Good find, Buck.” Steve turned his gaze away from the window and smiled brighter than the light seeping into the room.

Bucky used a shoulder to push himself from the wall and placed himself in front of Steve. The light faded quickly away from Steve’s face and found itself across Bucky’s back.

“You’re acting weird. What’s wrong?” He asked while crossing his arms.

“How do you like it?”

“What?” Bucky furrowed his brows and stared at Steve in confusion, unsure why Steve avoided his question.

“The apartment. How do you like it?” Steve asked patiently.

“Well, I like it a lot.”

“Do you mean that?

“Well yea. I’m the one who picked it out, remember?” Bucky laughed gently, “It fits you perfectly.”

“How’s that?” Steve asked with an eyebrow raised.

Bucky looks around the bare room, and a mischievous grin spread across his face, “Small, and bland.”

Bucky keeled over in laughter after Steve scoffed and punched Bucky in the gut. Though Steve was laughing right there beside him.

“Do you really like it?” Steve asked.

“Yup!”

“Then pack your bags!”

“Huh?”

“Move in with…me.” Steve began saying boldly, though midway became supremely shy, and averted his gaze.

Buck’s lips parted, but was stunned by the request. Bucky’s smile was large and bright. His hands lifted to Steve’s face and turned it towards him when Steve silently refused to look at him. Steve finally and hesitantly let himself look at Bucky in the eyes. He was a bundle of nerves and embarrassment. As if he was preparing himself to be rejected.

“What’s wrong?” He asked again, fully intending to get an answer again.

Steve fidgeted by shuffling his feet, “Well….this apartment is quite a bit further from where you live. And…and…”

“And?”

“And…I want you to move in with me.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?

“Honestly? Since we were kids. Seriously? A few months ago.”

Bucky laughed gently, “Yea, I’ll do it.”

Steve lifted himself up to his toes and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck and hugged him tightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist. And when Steve pulled back, he only did so far enough to take a long look at Bucky and pulled him in for a kiss. Bucky lowered his hands while gently leading Steve towards the bed. Steve stumbled over his own feet and tumbled onto his bed, pulling down Bucky with him.

“Smooth. Good save.” Bucky laughed, propping himself up on his arms over Steve. Steve only responded with a smile.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?” Bucky asked nervously.

“Yes. And yes.”

It was on that day, when they were eighteen years old when they knew that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

____________

Was he supposed to tell the media that when they reached their twenties, they both planned to join the military together? They’d always joke around about how their lives would become romantic tragedies. Two star-crossed lovers going into war in order to protect the peace of their home. Little did they know, and little will the media ever know, is that they cursed themselves the morning they had the conversation of joining the military.

How was he going to explain how Bucky was accepted into the army instantaneously, and Steve was rejected time and time again? And that begins the story that the world seems to feed off of. Petite, weak Steve and his hard beginnings becoming an internationally known, world saving superhero. An Avenger. Even if Bucky’s “story” (a synopsis at most) was listed in Captain America’s exhibit in the Smithsonian, it wasn’t to commemorate Sergeant James Barnes. It was a story to build rapport with Captain America.

Surely the public did not want to hear more of the heartbreak both Steve and Bucky the night that Bucky had to explain to Steve that he was being deployed the next day. Tears stung Steve’s eyes in utter frustration and disdain in himself. He had lied, twisted, and turned more times than he could count in order to join the army. Yet he was still constantly rejected. Just like when he was a child, he was ostracized once more because of his size, and again, the only one who would support him in every shape and form was Bucky. And he was leaving the next day.

Did anybody care about the morning James Barnes left? He was straight cut and clean in his uniform. The only thing that made him look like Bucky, and not James Barnes was the duffle bag hanging lazily over his shoulder and half a sandwich hanging from his mouth as he was leaning down to tie his boot shoe strings. When he stood up he stuffed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth. Steve made his way out of their room dressed in a pair of gray sweat pants and an oversized white t-shirt.

“Are you ready?” Steve forced a smile.

“The real question, is _Hitler_ ready?” Bucky half grinned when Steve snorted and rolled his eyes.

  “Just...don’t do anything stupid.” Steve asked, though there was a silent, lingering question mark at the end.

Bucky closed the gap between them and placed a hand on the back of Steve’s head. He shrugged his shoulder in order to slip his arm out of his bag’s strap. The bag landed with a heavy thud on the ground, and his now free arm wrapped around Steve’s waist. He pulled Steve into a hug. His fingers ran gently through his blonde hair, “I don’t know. My better half won’t be there with me.”

Steve’s grip around him tightened in worry, “I will be…I will be. I’ll find a way.”

Bucky’s hands found their way to Steve’s shoulders, and squeezed firmly. He guided Steve away in order to look him seriously in the eye, “Now you don’t do anything stupid, aight?”

“I don’t know. My better half won’t be here with me,” Steve grinned proudly.

Bucky clicked his tongue in disapproval though a smile followed. Steve leaned over and quickly grabbed the dufflebag’s strap. While pulling the bag from the floor, Steve had to use both hands in order to get the bag more than a couple feet from the ground. Bucky’s hands met Steve’s and raised the bag the rest of the way to his shoulder. Steve made his way in front of Bucky once more. Looking down he shuffled his feet forward and raised his feet so they rested gently atop Bucky’s boots. He raised his hand to the side of Bucky’s neck and slide them gently down his shoulders as if he was smoothing out any imperfection in his uniform which weren’t there. His entire appearance was as perfect as he was. Steve’s hands then fiddled with the buckles and designs on the front of his uniform. His hands rose once again up across the uniform and to the collar. Steve could feel Bucky staring at him, but he was stubbornly refusing to make eye contact as he knew if he did he might break. He took a deep breath through his nose, bit his lip, and finally looked up at Bucky. Bucky’s face was soft, and patient with his same familiar smile that Steve loved so much.

“Don’t have too much fun until I get there,” Steve requested as he breathed out. He did not realize he was holding his breath.

Bucky nodded and began breaking away from Steve as he moved backwards. Bucky let his hand drag from Steve’s forearm to his hand. They let their fingers mesh together for only a moment before Bucky smiled sadly and turned away. The sound of the door shutting behind him was one of the worst memories Steve can remember.

____________

Of course, the only thing that really “matters” is when Steve agreed to take the serum. However, let’s not fail to remind the public of Bucky’s reaction when he saw Steve, post-serum. No, not when Captain America saved him with the many other captive soldiers. Bucky was barely conscious. It was after, when they were celebrating the safe return of the soldiers, that Bucky began talking Steve’s ear off. Bucky almost even started yelling, but refrained in remembrance of how sensitive Steve was…or is.

“Why are you so angry?” Steve asked.

“I told you not to do anything stupid.”

“I was small, and flimsy. You know I always wanted to be…”

“But like _that_? Steven, you were perfect the way you were.”

Steven? “So you don’t like how I am now?”

“No….I-“

Bucky stopped himself when he saw Steve smile _almost_ mischievously (Bucky knew full well that Steve hardly had a naughty bone in his body). Though the smile dimly resembled that of teasing, and Bucky felt a shot of _something_ racing quickly from his head to his toes. He missed that, that smile, and Steve.

Steve had his arm raised close to his face and gently tapped his nose twice before lazily dropping his hand by the writs while making sure to point lower on Bucky’s body. His eyes remained focus on Bucky’s face, and his grin grew wider when he saw Bucky’s head drop to follow Steve’s point.

Bucky hardly ever called him Steven, and when he did, it wasn’t because he was angry. While it was true that he was beyond worried about the serum and the effects it could have had on the one that mattered the most to him, it was his own lack of self-control that he was more concerned with. _That_ is where “Steven” came from.

All Bucky could say, with his face scorching red, following a nervous laugh, “Can you blame me?”

____________

No one but Steve knew of and remembers the night when Bucky grabbed his arm, and guided him away from others. Eyes mixed with conflicting emotions he finally asked,

“Who is Peggy?”

And lord knew that Steve was too nice for his own good and would never be able to reject anybody. So the feeling within Bucky’s chest grew tighter as the days went on. It didn’t take long for word to go around camp of the blossoming love story of Captain America and Agent Carter. Soon that story filtered into newspapers. However, no one ever heard word of Steve answering Bucky’s question with, “No one” because honestly? No one compared to Bucky Barnes, and Steve made damn sure that he proved that to him by kissing him again, and again, and again. Bucky let the stories he overheard slide because that’s all they were…stories.

____________

Steve almost jumped over the table to clasp his hands over Bucky’s mouth. Bucky had erupted into outrageously loud laughter, and while hearing Bucky’s laughter was everything Steve lived for, the cause of it was excruciatingly embarrassing. Steve just slid down his chair, hovering his hand over his face, in hopes that perhaps he could shrink and become invisible.

“Ah man, I wish I was there!”

“No, cut it out Buck!”

Earlier that day, word got out that there were faint noises of gun shots heard within the camp. Later it was revealed (only to a select few) that it was Agent Carter shooting at Steve to “test” his new shield. No one understood why Peggy appeared furious at the Captain, nor did Bucky know. Steve made sure to keep that one a secret.

____________

 

The only word of James Buchannan Barnes, that didn’t even scratch the surface of doing him any justice, was his name, rank, and that he fell from the train. Steve always cringed at the thought as his eyes burned with tears welling up. Did anybody care that the instant Steve made his way back into the train, he physically could not keep himself up? He remembers opening his mouth to scream or sob, but all he was capable of achieving was a croak and stomach and heart pains that he will remember for a life time. He was able to roll himself into a sitting position, hand clutched over heart and finally loudly sob, “Bucky!”

That was all the time he had. He had to finish the mission, because there is no forgiveness for caving in and having someone so dangerous get away. So he lifted himself up straight, grabbed his shield, and stood in a manner that he wasn’t quite able to perfect before.

He stood like a soldier.

____________

 

Agent Carter’s intention were good in her attempts to comfort Steve. Little did she realize just _how_ much Steve drank before she found him. Steve wasn’t one for drinking, and the only times he did, was with Bucky. He hit one drink, after another, and another, and tears burned down his face, and the streaks down his face continued as he realized that he wasn’t able to intoxicate himself.

_Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky._

_It was my fault, you should have lived_

_baby please………_

The whole experience was numbing. He felt his body moving, but he sure couldn’t tell if it was for his own sake or for others.

Then he woke up.

“BbbbB-BBbuuu…”

Once more he found himself awake in a room he’s never been in before.

____________

Not once, since waking up in the future was he able to grieve over his loss of Bucky. He was able to suppress it, letting the memory escape from his mind as he teamed up with the Avengers to defeat Loki, but it was always present at the back of his mind. If he crossed a street that was remotely familiar, his heart would ache. It was when he encountered Bucky on the bridge when his world started spinning.

There were no words Steve could express to the press to accurately describe the feeling of losing the love of your life twice. There were nights after that encounter where he’d just stay up all night unforgiving of himself and running himself dry of tears. Natasha and Sam were well aware of these nights, but god bless them, they never brought it up because they _knew_ that Steve would rather talk about anything else.

____________

After he was found by the river and taken to the hospital, Steve did everything in his power to be released early. No one knew why he was so anxious to get out so early, nor would anybody know except for Natasha and Sam. After being released (on time), he spent every day at the river at the same spot that Bucky left him after dragging him out of the water. He did this for weeks. Often, he’d stay late at night and would doze off. When he’d come to, he’d find himself covered in a blanket, and food laying out in front of him. If it was either Natasha or Sam, they never gave a clue that it was them. They left Steve to himself, letting him have the time and space he needed.

There was one night in particular where he felt himself dozing off and let his eyes heavily close. He was unsure how much time passed when he heard light crunching of grass and leaves headed in his directions. He tiredly opened his eyes, and looked up. He saw a silhouette. Their hands were in fists, their clothing bulky and stiff. Moonlight reflected off their left metal arm. Steve saw the man part his lips to speak, but they quickly closed, and he saw the man’s jaw clench.

“St-….Steve”

____________

_“Who is the Winter Soldier?”_

What could he say about Bucky Barnes? Everything. The Winter Soldier?

“No one.”

 

 

 

 

  


 


End file.
